I finally had to enlist some professional help (no not a psychologist, but that may not be such a bad idea!). I'm glad I did; Gary made framing out the kitchen look easy in a few hours!
Down in the cellar we found at least three more places where beams had been rotted or eaten out by insects...and repaired by some yahoo using bite-sized pieces of wood and a nail gun. These were replaced with double 2x8 studs...we can now put in heavy things like a refrigerator and a bathtub.